Prevara

Žali se žena prijateljici: - Muž me vara! Prijateljica: - Pi*ka mu materina!! Žena: - Nema veze, probušila sam mu sve kondome! Prijateljica: - Pi*ka ti materina!!

Povećanje grudi

Stoji žena ispred ogledala i upita muža: - Dragi, ja bih povećala grudi. Platiš mi operaciju? - ?!!? - Platiš mi operaciju? - Ma kakva operacija! Pa postoji puno jeftinije rješenje. - Da? - Pa da. Uzmeš WC papira i svaki dan trljaš između grudi. - Ma stvarno? Kako? Koliko dugo? - Pa šta ja znam! Koliko ti je trebalo za guzicu?

Kako pristojno govoriti o ženama

1 .Ona nije RIBA ili PIČKA nego PRSATI GRAĐANIN. 2. Ona nije LAKA nego je HORIZONTALNO PRISTUPAČNA. 3. Ona nije GLUPAČA nego je SKRENUTA SA AUTOPUTA INFORMACIJA. 4. Ona nije PRAZNOGLAVA nego je U RASKORAKU SA REALNOŠĆU. 5. Ona nije PIJANA nego je KEMIJSKI INTOKSINIRANA. 6. Ne kaže se ONA BI SE KRESNULA nego ONA JE SEKSUALNO FOKUSIRANA. 7. Ona nema SILIKONE nego je MEDICINSKI OBOGAĆENA. 8. Ona nije KURVA nego je SEKSUALNO EKSTROVERTNA. 9. Ona nema SJAJNO DUPE nego je REKTORALNO SUPERIORNA. 10. Ona nema BRKOVE nego je u KONTAKTU SA MUŠKOM PRIRODOM SVOJE OSOBNOSTI. 11. Ona ne KUHA LOŠE nego je MIKROVALNO KOMPATIBILNA.

Push up

Push up je kao vrećica čipsa, tek kada ga otvoriš, vidiš da pola fali.

Facebook

Zlato mamino, jesi se poslikala za Facebook?.. Tata mora kenjati.

Pametna žena

Kako znaš da ti žena hoće reći nešto pametno? Priču započinje sa: -"Muškarac mi je jednom rekao.."

Babe

Idu dvije babe ulicom i vide pljuvačku. Kaže prva: "Ajme , vidi kako lijep broš!", a druga se sagne da ga podigne i zatim će: "Nije to broš, lančić je! "

Žene i teroristi

-koja je razilka između žene sa PMS-om i terorista? -sa teroristom se može pregovarati

Rastava

Uljeće čovijek kod svog odvjetnika. -Želim rastavu! Moja žena je istrenirala psa da joj vraća stvari kojima me gađa!

LOYAL WIFE

<u><b>LOYAL WIFE </b></u> There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife: - When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after life with me. And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died . . . He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said: - Wait, just a minute! She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. Her friend said: - I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband....... The loyal wife replied: - Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him. - You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !?!?! - I sure did - said the wife - I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.